Somewhere between healing and hustling, I’ve found myself in a space that has no name. I’m not burnt out anymore. But I’m not fully “back” either. I’m here—in the messy middle.
These days, I wake up earlier than before. My diet is clean, my mind calmer. I visit the temple every day. I chant my mantras. There’s a rhythm forming, and I’m doing my best to stick to it. In many ways, life feels more sorted. More inwardly aligned.
And yet, when I sit at my desk at SignoraWare, I sometimes freeze.
Things that once took me an hour now take two. My speed isn’t what it used to be, and neither is my concentration. I find myself staring at the same tab, the same numbers, the same idea I’ve been trying to crack for days. It’s frustrating because I want to give my best. But my pace has changed. My head needs more pauses. My energy is still learning how to balance itself again.
At the same time, I feel a strong desire to do new things. SignoraWare has evolved, and I don’t want to go back to redoing the same reports, same plans. I want to find the missing pieces—the gaps I can fill, the spaces I can make better. I don’t want to just catch up with where the brand is. I want to move it forward.
I miss those non-stop, high-energy workdays. The back-to-back meetings, campaign launches, packaging trials, the sound of new ideas being thrown on the table. I miss feeling completely plugged in. But I also know this slower version of me is not weak — she’s just transitioning.
Maybe this phase is here to teach me something. That not all returns have to be instant. That even when the body is back in the office, the soul might still be on its way. That it’s okay to rebuild your confidence, bit by bit.
So I’m showing up, gently.
I’m observing more. Listening more. Asking myself deeper questions: What does the brand truly need next? What have we overlooked in our chase for scale? What can I offer now, that I couldn’t before?
The answers aren’t always clear, but they’re coming.
And in the middle of all this confusion and clarity, healing and ambition — I’m just trying to be kind to myself. Because maybe the messy middle is not a setback. Maybe it’s just a quieter kind of growth.
— Radhika Bansal